Creative Compulsion

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All creatives strive to make a living from their work.

I am often asked why I continue to write, record, and produce music. I am reminded of odds of being “discovered” and that I am losing time and money by continuing to create. It is true that I do not turn a profit from each album I produce, let alone break even. In every case, the amount of time, energy, and money is never recuperated.

Creatives are compelled to tell stories, paint pictures, capture images, sing songs. We are compelled to share them with everyone. We often feel that our work goes unnoticed and unheard. Yet we continue to produce our work.

The album Winter was scheduled for a 2021 release. The pandemic delayed the production of the album for nearly three years. I grew restless waiting for the day we could start producing the album. Events in my life increased the urgency to release this album and share the story with others. I needed to tell this story.

In February of this year, I had the chance to share the story in a live performance. The work required to perform the album live was greater than effort and time it took to record it. All the members of the band sacrificed significant parts of their lives to present the album.

This was not about fame or profit. It was about telling a story that was important to each of us.

Emails arrived days after the show. Some thanked me for helping them make sense of all the feelings they experienced after a recent loss. Others were less alone knowing that someone else felt the same way they felt after a loss. One individual said they were finally able to let go of a lost one.

We create because we are compelled to share.

musicians on stage with dancers on platforms

Reflections

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It has been just over a month since the release of Winter. I still find myself recovering mentally and physically from the event. The months leading up to the concert were filled with rehearsals and show logistics. Quiet moments were few. The band gathered on March 10th to watch the concert video before the official release on the 11th. It was the first time since the concert that all of us were in the room together.

The next morning, I reflected on the evening and the group. As much as I missed being on stage, I realized what I missed most was spending time with these wonderful people. There is magic when people gather and create art. We each pour pieces of ourselves into the work and the result always exceeds what we could have done alone and what we ever imagined. The album and concert would not have sounded and looked as good without the band.

It is rare to find a group of people that you connect with on a deep level. We can go months without seeing or talking to each other, but the minute we gather, it is as if we were picking up a conversation we had yesterday. It is amazing to be able to create music with these people. We are critical of each other’s work and expect the best performance; not for any personal gain, but to deliver the best product collectively. We have each other’s backs, trust, respect, and love.

I miss the rehearsals and the time making music. I miss the banter, the jokes, the laughter. I miss the process of starting with chaos and working towards unity. I suppose the journey continues to be more important than the destination.

There are hours upon hours of rehearsal footage to watch and perhaps I will assemble behind the scenes footage to share.

If you have not watched the Winter Album release concert, it is available on YouTube.

The album, Winter, is available on all streaming platforms.

Winter is almost here!

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Winter will be released on February 10, 2024 at 8pm at Cerritos College.

The band has spent the last eight months recording the album and now we are rehearsing for the concert.

We are very excited to present this album to you, especially since we had originally planned to release it in February 2021. However, the delay has given us time to live and grow with the music. It is a better album now because of the time we have spent with it.

The concert will take place on the main stage of the Performing Arts Center at Cerritos College. The concert will be a multimedia show with lights, video, staging, and dancing. We are adding a new dimension to how we present music to you all.

We are also excited to have a few bands opening for us. The first two bands, Better-Off and Garbage Days are from Whitney High School and Norwalk High School. The third band, The Wanderers, is from Cerritos College.

The event is free and open to the public.

Paradigm

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The first time I played a draft of Paradigm for Mikey he looked at me and said that he had no idea how he would add drums to what I created.

The first I played a draft of Paradigm for Emili she asked if the song really needed lyrics.

This is what they heard.

Paradigm draft

The song almost did not make it to the album. I thought about releasing it as an instrumental, but I always felt that with the right ingredients, the song would come alive.

And so it sat for many months.

Then one day Emili showed up with lyrics. Reading the lyrics alone made no sense. So I loaded the draft and had her sing along with it. Suddenly the song made sense. We recorded her scratch vocals along with the other songs and eventually a copy made its to Mikey and rest of the band.

I never did ask Emili what the lyrics are supposed to mean. I suppose it means something different to everyone.

When we got around to recording the drums, I still had no idea what Mikey was going to with the drums. The first time I heard his part was when I hit record on Pro Tools. Needless to say, I was amazed and pleased with what he created.

As we added the parts in the coming months the song finally took shape and became one of our favorites to play.

Here is the studio recording.

And finally, here is the live performance.

Enjoy.

Idle Thoughts

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It is often interesting to me that whenever I try to write, not much writing happens. However, the moments I am not trying to write is often when the writing begins. Hence the title of my post.

As creators we often get wrapped up in the business of the craft; we have to create our products.

What is difficult for me is that I create albums. I do not set out to create one song after another, I begin with a concept for an album and build the songs around the concept. Historically, when I complete an album, I begin writing a new one. The problem is that the next album is written. We even began to have rehearsals to prepare for the recording sessions a year ago. But then our realities were abruptly altered.

And so, I am in a holding pattern. Until the album is recorded and released, it is not really finished. At least not in my mind.

I do have a lot of content, however. Content from previous albums that need to be heard. I even have concert footage from the past two album releases that I need to finish uploading. There is work to be done; it just is not as exciting as writing songs.

Over the new few weeks, I will be updating my YouTube channel to include all the footage from the album release concerts for Entropy and Singularity. I also have a handful of random sketches of music that have not found a home yet.

Maybe creativity arrives in that sliver of a moment between being active and idle.

If we try too hard, perhaps we miss the moment. If we do not try, perhaps the moment never shows up.

I will let know what happens.

In the meantime, here is a sketch.

Interruptions

Producers

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The word “producer” gets used a lot in conversation and I often wonder if the person using the word to describe themselves understands the weight of the word.

In the most basic definition, if you create any art on any level, then you are a producer. This means if you write a song, you could call yourself a producer. If you created a beat for a song, you could also call yourself a producer. But for me, there is much more work required before you can call yourself a producer.

In the late 80s through the mid 90s I worked with a good friend, David Ozab on a number of albums. We were recording to analog systems in school studios. This meant that studio time was precious, and we had to work fast to complete a song. Within a four-to-six-hour time block, we would finish an entire song. I would arrive with an idea and we started sequencing immediately. Often, we would track the main keyboard part, then add parts with each pass. Sometimes I would ask David to add a guitar part and he would create one as we were recording. It was fun and rushed but at the end of the block, I had a song written, recorded, and mixed. I would go home with a cassette copy of the song and say, “look what I recorded and mixed.”

I never used the label “producer” because the process was not thought out and planned. I relied on spontaneity and the rush of inspiration to create the song. Nothing was ever though out or planned. Yes, I had ideas and sounds that I wanted to get across, but I never took the time to really question every note, word, and inflection. I just needed to get the song done.

Production is a process that requires time and effort. Production is looking at each word in the lyric, each note in the melody and progression, and even the form of the song. Production is examining every element of the song and refining them until the song achieves its full potential. Production is assembling the best songs into an album and ordering them in a way that takes the listener on a journey. Production is taking the idea of a song and turning it into a complete work that best represents the artist’s intent and vision.

I could go on and on about this, but I will stop for now. But I will leave you with one thought to contemplate…

If you continuously ask yourself and others “how do I know if the song is done,” then you really have not produced a song yet.

A producer knows when a song is done.